Friday, February 7, 2014

On Maintaining Relationships

The topic of Relationships is an interesting thing. I have seen couples who appeared like they could never be apart only to break up within 6 months. Then there are those who don’t seem like they could last 6 months, but go on to have a stable marriage. This extends even past marriage. The ones that last, they occasionally get asked, “What’s the secret?” These are things I’ve noticed in those answers and in my own experience.
I don’t think fidelity gets enough credit. It might be because it’s the hardest to explain, at least to me. Maybe that is because there isn’t much to explain rationally. It’s a thing of nature. If you get cheated on, you feel horrible. Why? My guess is that it has something to do with importance. Infidelity attacks the victim’s self esteem. They are no longer “the one” but instead just “a one” that used to be special. That is certainly something I don’t want to make my love feel. As a result I do my best to make sure I never betray her trust.
I cannot underestimate the value of Trust either. Even if someone is being faithful, if there is no trust, the relationship cannot last. It becomes even more important in a long distance relationship. It’s also very difficult and why it’s important to be honest with each other. I worry about the guys my love talks to and she expresses the same concern about the girls I talk with. Every time a doubt comes to my mind, I just have to think to myself, “Have faith in her, just like she trusts you.” Eventually the doubt goes away and I can have a pleasant 5 hour conversation with her. It is occasions such as this where I appreciate her a lot.
I feel like people have the tendency to forget the simple but important small things. Just saying something along the lines, “I appreciate you,” or the more famous example, “thank you,” has a tremendous power in keeping a relationship alive. It’s sadder when you hear of a couple who did appreciate each other, but never expressed it in words and so broke up. It is important to perform deeds to express gratitude and appreciation, but never forget to sincerely say the words once in a while. When you say those phrases, it shows respect for your significant other.
When you have respect for someone, you see them as a human being; someone who has hopes, dreams, and feelings, just like you. Respect keeps you from treating him or her as simply an object for pleasure. Instead you work together toward progress, refusing any temptation to insult. With respect for each other, it becomes easier to empathize in times of need.
Something I have noticed that disappears from a relationship over time is compassion. This lack of sympathy eventually leads into arguments. Why? Because when we no longer sympathize with someone, we’re not going to care about the problems they are facing, just on our own. If we don’t feel like we are getting any sympathy, we don’t feel like we are loved or important. It takes some willpower, but it’s is essential that we acknowledge someone has a problem, especially when we think ours is worse.
Couples who make it through long distance relationships have my respect. Not only do they have to have a lot of trust, but significant willpower. Not too many people can make a long distance relationship work. The ones who do make it, make it because their willpower shows they really love each other. As I mentioned before, love is an act of the will, influenced by the heart. You can actually convince yourself to love someone you didn’t. Why is love an act of the will? Because true love places the other person above yourself. Someone who is truly in love considers the other to be more important. That is why guys would spend so much to impress a girl, because for at least some time, she is definitely more important. It also takes willpower to keep going and stay faithful as well as to endure the hardships you will eventually encounter. That is what you need to be prepared for when you say you will be together “through good times and bad.” We can either continue or give up. All I can say is that I’m going to go as far as I can for the sake the woman I care for and I hope everyone tries to do the same.
In summary, there are a few important phrases to say to your loved one: “You are important,” “I trust you,” “I appreciate you,” “I respect you,” and “I love you.” One thing that can be said with surety is that relationships do take a lot of work to maintain. However, if you find that certain spouse, it is definitely worth it.

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