The Pursuit of Happiness Part 2

To society,

Continuing from my previous letter on the pursuit of happiness, I would like to present a model that I think accounts for most actions we perform.

The cycle of the pursuit of happiness starts with us recognizing an imperfection. This prompts us to make a decision about an action to take. Our goal is to reach a state where we are satisfied or content with the results. Our motivation here is essential as it reveals why we might act or not act. An example for why to act is to stop a suffering. This is common when you want to solve a problem. An example for not acting is that you might suffer more for acting than not. In this case, you've decided you are satisfied with tolerating the problem than create a worse one for yourself.

After we make a decision based off our reasons, we take our decided course of action and evaluate the results. If we are satisfied with the results, we are content and move on. If not satisfied, then we pick another course of action until we are content.

When we are content, we have a taste of happiness. This is because one of the effects of happiness is that you don't want anything because you are fulfilled. We want to be in this state because to want something indicates we are not fulfilled. An old definition of the word want is to lack. You can see how it reached it's current definition of to desire something. When you lack something, you feel a sort of pain. Therefore you feel like you need it in order to be complete. As a result of this need, you desire it.

Our life is primarily spent in this cycle. This is because man has many needs and the capacity to want is infinite. However, once all our needs are fulfilled, then we finally exit the cycle and reach the state of happiness. In my next letter on the subject, I intend to examine what those needs are and how they relate to each other. Until then, I hope you find that this model actually helps you understand more about how your psychology works so that you may better find the true path to happiness.

With Love,

N. D. Moharo

Q&A

Now I'm sure you have some questions. In this section, I shall try to anticipate then and provide what I believe to be the answers

What are our reasons for acting and not acting?

I cannot give a complete list because the completeness is dependent upon how deep you want to go, but I can say what I have identified, though there will be some overlap.
For not acting, there is

1. Fear of greater suffering
2. Incapability
3. Not seeing benefits
4. Action is contrary to goal
5. Lower priority
6. Not Understanding
7. Moral opposition/hatred
8. Not fun
9. Change

For acting, most if not everything can be said to fall under some sort of suffering. Here we have

1. Fear of suffering
2. ‎Desire for completion
3. ‎Possibility for improvement
4. Fun

What accounts for our other actions?

In all cases, I believe happiness is the cause of actions. For the pursuit of happiness cycle, it's the goal. However, once we obtain happiness, it's the fuel for our actions. Consider when a woman finds a man she falls heads over heels in love. Does she not try to help her single friends find love as well? I remember that I was so happy by finding a job that I asked all of my friends that were searching if they tried the same website I used.
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If I don't want anything, does this mean I won't do anything anymore?

As mentioned in the previous answer, happiness actually makes us perform actions. This is because man's nature and perfection is to love.

Also need to be careful about the word "want." When I said that "when you are happy, you don't want anything," I was referring to the old definition described following that statement. So in today's terms, it is probably best to say, "When you are happy, you do not need anything in order to be happy." This does not exclude desiring to help people. When you are happy because of goodness and love, you will act because it's your nature to act out of love.

Consider the example from before. Whether or not my friends actually used the website I used to find a job doesn't affect my happiness. I acted out of love for them, but their response has no effect on me.

Some people say that God wants us. Does that mean he's not perfectly happy?

I included this question because I'm certain some people are going to ponder theology based off this model. Some people might reject this model because they feel like it threatens their theology. Other might try to embrace it by saying that it proves theology is wrong. That might be true, but you can't really debate on this because there are a few things to consider.

1. What is the nature of God?
1. This relies on theological premises. If you can't agree on the premises, then you can't really argue and therefore it doesn't really concern this model.
2. Perfection for Man is not necessarily the same as Perfection for God
1. while I argue what the perfection of Man is, I cannot say the same about God unless God tells me.
3. What do we mean by the word perfection?
1. Could it be that the original meaning of perfection is akin to how a lover thinks his beloved is perfect because he desires and admires her so much? Or is it that God is truly perfect in that he is complete?
4. Which definition of "want" should we be using?
1. If we are using want as in "he needs us in order to be happy," then God isn't perfect in that sense. However, if it's simply "he desires us as something nice to have," then that's a different story. For example, there are many games that I "want" to play, but I don't need to play them in order to be happy. In this case, they are simply nice to have.
   Logically speaking, if you accept the premises that God is Love and that being with God is essential to us being happy, then of course he would desire us to be with him.

What relation do external sources have with our happiness?

While the model I presented doesn't show it, because it's a model for the actions we take, external sources play a large role in the cycle. They can make use dissatisfied, change our reasons for acting,  and even give us happiness.

An unfortunately common marketing tactic is to create a need where there is not one. The makers of Listerine coined the phrase halitosis in order to sell their product. On the more positive side, external sources also point our our imperfections so that we can indeed improve.

For the second point, by debating with us, an external source might make us decide to act or refrain. They may even do what was needed and therefore you don't need to do a thing. As a result, you can also say external sources can make us content.

On the last point, there is room for a little debate. While we can say that external sources can make us feel happy, can they actually make us enter the state of happiness? I argue yes.

Man is a social animal and needs some external help when it comes to obtaining his perfection. One thing we desperately need is true love. When our love tanks are full, we are filled with joy and become the best versions of ourselves. We need love not only because it's our precious fuel for being good, but also because it is our perfection.

One philosophical argument about the nature of God stems from the argument that God is the source of all that is good. Everything that man needs to reach perfection is a good. Therefore God can fulfill Man's needs. Now this doesn't prove that God exists. It is simply logic to show why people can believe that God is essential for happiness. Personally, I like the notion that God as a source of infinite love makes it so that man's love tank is always filled. It's a nice idea but is not proof of any sort.

Why do we brood?

Brooding is an action that doesn't bring us to happiness but instead makes us miserable. Yet we choose to brood. This was actually a reason why I held off on presenting my model for a long time. However, I have two ideas about this and the result is that brooding actually follows the model in a corrupted way.

First is that brooding is an action we instinctively believe that brooding will get us toward happiness. Babies cry until they get what they want. When they become children, they still try this tactic with some success. Even adults use this to some success where they "play the victim." Brooding is the act wallowing in the belief that we are the victim. We use this to help us feel justified when we take another action that otherwise would be condemned.

The second idea stems from the claim that brooding is a selfish action. While it does not bring our good nature towards completion, it does grow our ego. That ego always wants to grow. Therefore, while it may not truly bring us towards happiness, our ego believes that it will bring it to completion. However, this is not reality. Instead, it makes us even more miserable and we in turn act to create misery for others. Brooding is a fuel for bullying.

__________________________________

I hope these answers help give answer your questions either directly or indirectly. I contemplated having them in a separate post as this got really long, but I figure it was best to keep it together with the main piece. While some questions can certainly be their own piece, I felt it best to address them now rather than later. Perhaps I will share them again individually so that I may expand upon them.

With Love,

N. D. Moharo

The Pursuit of Happiness part 1

To Society,

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are three fundamental rights listed in the United States' declaration of Independence. When the founding fathers wrote this document, they swapped the right to property with the pursuit of happiness. While this does not mean they did not believe in the right to have property, it does mean they brought attention to the basis for all other human rights and the driving force of humanity.

Happiness is the ultimate goal. There is no reason to be happy except to be happy. The characteristics of this ultimate state is that it's perfectly fulfilling, cannot be lost, and blissful. Since happiness is the perfect state, we can say it is the pursuit of absolute perfection. While you are not guaranteed to obtain happiness, it is indeed the fundamental right.

Consider what the purpose of liberty is. There is no other benefit for freedom except to realize your full potential. That is why it is so precious and yet sometimes must be sacrificed. When you realize this purpose, you understand that when you can only improve by sacrificing some freedom that it is actually the best choice. Babies have no bias towards a language, but if they wish to grow and mature, they must take up a language and follow its rules. This logic can also be applied to security and privacy.

It can be said that life is the state of constant change. While some things appear to persist, everything that is living is constantly changing in one way or another. Death, on the other hand, is the setting of a person's final state. There is nothing more that person can do to change himself. Therefore, if someone wishes to progress towards perfection, he must live.

Now one thing I must address is that even though we have the right to pursue happiness, not all of our actions are justified. If you seek justification, then you must consult the key to morality, which is true love. If you do, then I would think you have a great chance at obtaining happiness.

With Love,

N. D. Moharo

P.S. Next time I address the pursuit of happiness, I intend to present a model explaining the cycles of the pursuit of happiness and how various situations fit in it. However, I need more time to polish it so that it is easy to understand. Please be patient as I work to polish what perhaps accounts for all of our choices.

Three Purposes of Anger

To the enraged,

In today's society, showing displays of anger is frowned upon. However, there are times when it is appropriate and effective to be angry, but you need to control it rather than let it control you. In order to get it under control, it is helpful to know what the three purposes of it are and how do deal with them.

The first purpose is to show what is important to you. This can be tricky because you might not realize what is important until you get angry and even then you still have to play detective. For example, my wife told me we got a mosquito in the house and I got very upset. It was not so much that the mosquito was in the house that upset me but rather the fear of having to wake up on the middle of the night to find it after it bit me awake. If the mosquito was killed beforehand, then I wouldn't mind.

In order to control this and make our anger more effective is to identify what is most important and explain it. For example, when my child cries with no way of calming him down, I would get angry for second, but then identify that he is more important. This love for him helps make it so that I'm in control. Limiting the number of things that you consider important will also make your few occasions more effective. Otherwise everyone will think there is no satisfying you and they will begin to ignore you.

The second purpose is to demand a change. I believe the ultimate goal of giving negative feedback is to encourage some sort of change. A good customer service sees what upsets it's customers and tries to avoid that in the future. However, since there are so many improvements to make, seeing the obvious signs of anger can help promote which improvements are done faster.

The help for dealing with this is to develop a sense of acceptance. While things can be improved, there is nothing that can be done about the past. We might do things to help recompense, but we should avoid aiming for compensation as that encourages selfishness. If we accept that the offending parties did not mean to offend us and that they tried their best to help us, then we can suggest improvements in a calmer manner which can lead to a productive conversation.

Another help here is humility. The smaller we see ourselves, the less offended we feel. We can still suggest improvements, especially if it will help others, but at least then we can show we are not acting out of selfishness.

The third purpose is to simply to be an outlet of emotion. We are emotional people and sometimes we need to vent our frustration in order to feel better. This is a tricky thing to control as the more you vent, the less effective it becomes, both for you and those around you. This is why the intensity of expletives grow the more you use them. However, someone that never uses expletives can be even more effective than those who do. This is because expletives give a shock and offensive structure, making the recipient upset and angry with you, but those who are angry in a controlled manner might be empathized with.

Even though this last purpose is the first one seen, it is based upon the other two. If we can handle the other purposes, then this one becomes weaker. I cannot say that it will be eliminated because this is the reaction caused by your brain's emotional center, which happens before you can be rational. If you have the rush of adrenaline, it might be 20 minutes before you can be rational again.

While people claim various methods for dealing with this such as stress balls or hitting something, you probably notice that these lose their effectiveness after a while. When we act on our emotions, it becomes harder to control them. This is especially dangerous when your output is to hit something as that will likely turn to hitting someone. Again, your emotional center acts before your rational. You cannot guarantee you won't do something unless you place a hard limit on everything that would build up to it. One thing I would suggest instead is meditation though it certainly is difficult at first. Therefore, you need to practice meditation before you get angry so that you won't become even more frustrated.

One thing I can suggest in the meantime until you can practice meditation is to convert your frustration into sadness. This will at least prevent you from harming anyone. This is not perfect as it can lead to depression if you are not careful and therefore I suggest meditation and everything else I've mentioned. Once you obtain that state, you will find that your anger is more controlled and far more effective.

In summary, if you want to control your anger, you have to identify the three purposes; conveying importance, demanding change, and output of frustration. The keys to dealing with this are the same for being patient; love, humility, and acceptance. Now that you know this, I hope you can better use your anger for progress and not for destruction.

With love,

N. D. Moharo

Concerning Smoking

Dearly Beloved,

               Some people wonder if smoking is a sin. My thought is that it isn’t most of the time, but it can be. In fact, it’s always an evil to encourage someone else to smoke, because smoking is definitely not good for anyone and those around that person.

               If you remember my words about Love, you will recall that anything thing that is opposed to love is an evil. We are supposed to desire what is best for others. When it comes to smoking, and many other addictions, there are but millions of reasons to avoid it, while only one okay for doing it. Even that one okay reason is flimsy. Does it make you look cool? No, to the rational man, you look stupid because that is what you are when you get addicted purposefully. The one valid reason, which is what addictions thrive on the promise of, is relaxation. The problem is that you might be free of stress at the moment, but it will build up later to become almost unbearable.

               If we consider smoking, we know it is bad for our teeth. Therefore we have to brush quite often and for a long time every time you smoke. What once was okay to do only twice a day, can become required 8 times a day. Why create more work for yourself or others? If you ignore, then you suffer the horrible consequences. You can see the stress is already building up just for this one side effect, and there are hundreds more.

               Of course, there are three reasons why smoking is still around. One is that people are selfish and try to convince others to smoke in order that they can continue smoking. Second is that people think they can get away with smoking. By limiting the areas they can smoke, it has helped the situation, but it’s not enough. The third reason is that most attention is spent on future consequences instead of the present. When people do some addiction, they aren’t looking at the future. They are looking for something in the present. Generally it comes down to “look cool” or “release stress.” When these two are dismantled, then we might be able to get rid of it.

               Let’s get rid of the “looking cool” first. As I said before, people are selfish and try to convince others to smoke in order that they can continue smoking. That means you “looking cool” to these people is really them thinking, “All right, now we don’t have to worry about smoking around this idiot anymore.” You also showed that you aren’t above the influence. You are not a hero at all. Heroes are able to stay above the influence and do what is right, even if everyone is against them. Heroes are cool. Even if people don’t say it publicly, when you stick to good morals, you look you cool. To prove that, I got a message from an old classmate who told me that he admired my ability to do just that. People want to be strong, and sticking to morality is strength.

               How about relieving stress? The thing about addictions is that that relief is only for an instant. If you want it to last as long as before, then you need to be more intense. This can means the first time, you can be relieved for two minutes. The second time, only two minutes. The third, two minutes if you smoke for twice as long. The third, two minutes if you smoke four. Eventually you need to do an entire pack for just one moment of relief, and you have to do it every single day.

               So that’s still technically focusing on the future. Let’s focus on the now and what that means. Money! Can you afford to buy a pack? Can you afford to do that every day? Wouldn’t you rather buy a fun video game with the money you save? How about going on a fun date? Speaking of that, most people hate kissing smokers. So if you smoke, you can’t kiss unless it’s another smoker, but why limit yourself to a minority that is a bomb ready to explode? Remember what I said about stress? It builds up very quickly when you realize all of the consequences just from smoking once. If you cannot smoke, you’ll snap because you cannot think until you do so. Also, it can make you sick. The problem is that you are addicted just from doing it once. You may not think you are addicted, but soon you’ll want it again. It’s the same with every addiction. You cannot think until you feed it. Therefore it is a sin to do it the first time, especially when you know of the evils.

               I used to think it was okay to allow people to smoke as long as I wasn’t around them. But then something changed my mind; you. I became curious about the effects of secondhand smoke on women who are pregnant and the babies they carry. When I read that it could lead to brain development issues on babies still in the womb, my opinion shifted entirely. You don’t always know when a woman is pregnant until she is 6 months in. That means smoking in the present is causing problems for another family and raising a child is hard enough to begin with. In addition, I have asthma and it does not react well to secondhand smoke. When you smoke even in the open air, there is a large radius where others can’t enter. It causes suffering almost every single time, but smokers have grown to be apathetic to this. Know this: Smoking is never an act of love, only selfishness. If you smoke, I would not only be sad because it’s bad for your body, but also your soul.

With Love,

N. D. Moharo

Beyond Being a Hero

Dearly Beloved,

               I once wrote to you that the meaning of the phrase “be a man” means to be a hero. However, this by itself is not the perfection of man. A hero is simply a role model who acts because it is right. But a hero who also acts with love is called a saint. I can be a hero, but if I don’t have love, I won’t be perfect. In fact, my example would be less effective. For example, when I was in High School, I went through all four years working hard to not break any rules. I did this because I wanted to prove it could be done, but I didn’t have love. While I got better the last few months of my career, I was depressed and filled with contempt for some people around me. At this point, I knew that I needed to become a hero, but I did not yet realize love is what makes it perfect and joyful.

               Do you need to perform great deeds to be considered a saint? Not at all. In fact, some of the greatest saints are those who do many little things with love. I don’t need to die to show my love for my wife. I can simply wash the dishes and do the laundry; two things I hate to do. But I found that when I do them because I love my wife, I’m at peace doing them. When she says thank you, I’m even more filled with joy.

               When you do things because they are good and because you love others, you are one of the best role models in the world. So I pray that you not only become a hero, but that you become a saint.

With Love,

N. D. Moharo

Concerning Humor

My Dearest Children,

               Laughter is a good medicine. There is nothing wrong with the ability to laugh and smile. Humor involves understanding how things are and how they were expected to be. For example, a joke I liked as a child was “What is in the middle of the world?” People may guess “the core” or “lava” or “earth” but the answer is “the letter R.” You may notice that many jokes are like this and play on the first instinct others may have. Humor is actually important as it can be a sign of wisdom. However, the development of your humor is important to take care of.

               There are quite a few forms of humor, and some are pretty bad. Americans in my day appeared to like extreme reactions, generally in combination with insults. They probably got this from the British who use “dry humor” to also insult others, but with subtle reactions instead. Either way, insulting another is never good humor as it diminishes your love and respect for someone else. On the other hand, there is “self-depreciating humor” and this is when someone is apparently insulting himself for others entertainment. This okay for a few reasons. First, the comedian is doing it willingly and is able to maintain his dignity. Second, the respect and love for the comedian actually increases. Third, it can be a sign of humility, which is possibly why our respect would grow.

               So there’s actually another reason why people may laugh or find something funny; others are laughing as well. This is why TV sitcoms use a laughtrack often. People have a tendency to laugh when others are laughing as well. This is partially how our humor is developed in the first place. If you can remember back far enough, you might recall saying the same joke over and over because maybe a family member laughed the first time, not because you understood the joke. Of course, this also means that sitcoms that use laughtracks even when people are insulting someone are partly why bullying is so profound. It is not uncommon to hear stories of a kid suddenly making an insult, sometimes not even realizing it is an insult, just because he heard it on TV and thought it was funny, most likely due to the laughtrack or others actually laughing during the scene.

               I hope you now understand why your mother and I are careful about what you watch. We hope that you grow up to have good humor, not one that laughs at the expense of others. I have personally had to stop watching some comedy pieces because I realized they were insulting. I don’t want you to become a bully, but rather a hero. A hero can laugh, but only when a joke is good, not evil. If you are able to refrain from participating in bullying, and protest the action instead, then you are hero and I will be proud of you.

With Love,

N. D. Moharo

Concerning Forgiveness

To the Victims,
    What does is it mean to forgive? It's a real mystery. It's said often but never really explained. Yet it is the key to a better society and many personal problems, including bullying.
    There's a common phrase that goes like "Forgive and forget." This might indicate that forgetting is important, but then again, since it's separated from Forgive, it isn't part of it. Instead, it's more of a sign that forgiveness has taken place. I can remember your past misdemeanors, but if I bring them up again and again as something negative, then I really haven't forgiven you. On the other hand, if I bring them up as a way of showing your virtue, then it shows I did forgive. An example of this would be me saying, "Yeah, you broke my window, but I saw you were really sorry about it. You came and quickly apologized and helped me replace it."
    We tend to think of forgiveness as relieving someone of responsibility, but this is wrong. Forgiveness can relieve someone of all responsibility, but it doesn't need to. In fact, some restitution almost always required. By restitution, I mean "the return or restoration of a specific thing or condition." Consider this example:
    Imagine hitting a baseball into your neighbor's window. The window is broken. Your neighbor says he forgives you, but you still need to replace or help cover the cost of the window. Is that fair? No, because you are getting off easy. Your neighbor still has to bear the pain of having a broken window for a time. He has to suffer the inconvenience of taking care of something he wouldn't have had to before. There is a wound he has to suffer. If the window is special or unique, then the pain is even greater. That's where forgiveness comes into play.
    "Forgiveness is Divine" because it is an act of love. It's an act of mercy, and by being so, a vehicle for Justice. I mentioned about restitution being "the return or restoration of a specific thing or condition." Now that status cannot be perfectly restored as I mentioned in my example above. However, the nature of Forgiveness is that it restores the perpetrator to the good graces of the victim. Justice is about restoring order and balance. Therefore forgiveness is essential to achieve proper justice. It's link to justice also helps show why retribution is required.
      Retribution helps cover the physical burden, but forgiveness heals the emotional wound. Retribution also takes a second purpose when done properly. It shows that you accept the status of grace bestowed on you mercifully and return thanks by showing an act of love in return. By showing you are willing to bear some pain as well for the benefit of the one you have offended, you lower your pride for the benefit of someone else. The result is that Forgiveness, by being a vehicle for justice and an act of love, can actually turn a bad deed into the means of improving a relationship. That is also simply Divine.

With Love,

N. D. Moharo

P. S. Due to the 2nd nature of retribution I described, it's often the case that it is absolutely required for the improvement of the perpetrator. While Forgiveness can cover everything, the act of humility required to perform restitution helps the perpetrator grow to become a better person. However, the greater the act of forgiveness, the greater of an act of love it is. This also means that unless you truly have love for the perpetrator, you won't be able to forgive without some act of retribution. And yes, practicing forgiveness makes it possible to achieve perfect forgiveness. This is due to the nature of love as being linked to humility. The more humble you are, the easier it is to love and forgive because you care about the other person more than yourself.

P. S. S. Since Forgiveness is an act of love, the greater the act, the more the recipient feels love when he accepts it. This in turn makes it so he may become generous with love as well.

To Grow in Love

To Those Who Desire Perfection,

     I have written that the perfection of mankind is to truly love. I've also written long before that the phrase "Be a Man" means to "Be a Hero". There are no greater heroes than those who act out of love. These are the heroes that everyone benefits from. Even those who live by doing wicked deeds depend on these heroes existing. In fact, the only way the world could ever be perfect is if it embraces the message of true love rather than corrupting it. Of course, even if we are to recognize acts of love, how do we grow in it so as to become heroes?

    The answer to that lies in virtues. I think the word virtue contains the Latin word for "man" because of this connection. Of course, many cultures have their own set of virtues and some are directly opposed to each other. However, I do believe we can identify a global set of virtues and the key is true love. I will say it again that "True love is putting another's deeds before your own." This is important in helping know what is a virtue and what is not in order to not be conflicted. When your conflict is gone, you end up with internal peace, bliss, and perfection. It is a tough battle because we have been preached the message of selfishness from birth. But we do see people who have obtained that joy, and so we know it is possible.

     A helpful start and proof of concept for how love improves our lives is the 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, which I covered in how to recover from a spat. Something to know is that when someone's "love tank" reaches the high numbers, they are more joyful and perform many acts of love themselves. I recall waking up one morning, finding my mother prepared something for my day, and I no longer minded those bad drivers who cut me off on my commute. As yes, patience is an act of love since love is one of the three keys to dealing with impatience. 

  

    I do need to make one note, and it appears worldwide in some form or another. The Golden Rule is "Do unto others as you will have them do unto you." I consider this slightly better than the Confucian way of "Refraining from doing unto others what you would not want for them to do to you." This is because the former indicates to act rather than refrain. This promotes acts of love and societal growth, but the latter can let society decline. Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because self-love is important to have. The concept of love grows with humility, but not with self-hatred. When you don't love yourself the amount proper, you constantly leave your love tank at empty, meaning you have no motivation to love others as well. So yes, I encourage you to take care of yourself, take pride in your work, and have a healthy self-esteem, but never at the expense of other people. That is the difference between self-love and selfishness. In fact, the goal of those things should be to assist you in helping others.

    Back to the nature of virtues, it has been claimed that Selfishness is the source of all sins. So the complete opposite and "Mother of all Virtues" is Love. Not only is it the key to virtues, it's a virtue itself. You can create a good habit of doing everything with love so that it is how you are known. Here are some examples of other virtues: Respect, Honesty, Kindness, Justice, Almsgiving, Fidelity, Helpfulness, Hopefulness, Joy for Neighbor's success, Sympathy during Neighbor's misfortune, Merciful, and Forgiving. 

    A very important virtue is the Worship of Pure Goodness. The word worship may have negative connotations today, and perhaps deserves it, but that's because the things we worship in daily life are not what is meant to be worshiped. Sex is a good thing in itself, but there are people who will fight, sacrifice, and speak words of hatred in defense of their pursuit of sexual pleasure in all things. The same goes with money and entertainment. They are good things, but only in their proper places. Money makes it easier to bargain and trade. Entertainment helps soothe the soul. But when these things are brought out of proportion, they bring about suffering everywhere. We may not recognize the suffering it causes us, but the biggest effect is that it hurts our ability to love.

    Here are some vices that hinder our love for others: Disrespect, Dishonesty, Envy, Cheating, Infidelity, Corruption, Greed, Gluttony, Lust, Apathy, Rage, Hatred, Censorship (the evil kind, not the proper one). All of these increase our own selfish desires at the expense of others. Even if another person is not directly involved, we are exalting ourselves to be above what is good. This actually only creates an imbalance in ourselves, which is a sign of us moving away from perfection.

    This is the perfect man: He is honest and respectful. He rejoices in the good while disdaining evil. He shows Mercy and Compassion to those who need it. He rejoices in the fortune of his neighbor and mourns when misfortune falls upon his neighbor. He learns in order to perfect himself. He is hard-working and perseveres through difficulty. He is courageous and wise. Where there is despair, he hopes and prays. Everything he does is with love. This is a hero worth imitating.

With Love,

N. D. Moharo

P. S. The phrase was "Pride is the queen of all vices." However, I've found the proper understanding of this, and helps explain why it's okay to take pride in your work, is the word "Selfishness." The idea is that an excess of self-love that takes its pleasure even at the expense of someone else is the end goal of all sins. 

True Love

To those searching for love,
    One of society's greatest lies is that True Love is something sexual. Far from the truth. I can attest that True Love exists. I can testify that it can be at first sight, or better yet, not even have to wait for first sight. Let me tell you about True Love and how great it is.
    True Love requires at least 2 people, but only 1 has to give. This is because True Love gives and receives, but the joy it receives is from giving. This is True Love:

• A mother dreaming about her child's future while caressing the womb he occupies
• A father who works hard so that his family will not starve
• A poor man giving his only blanket to a helpless and abandoned baby
• A soldier going to war in order that his country may stay free
• A mother who cries after being told words of hatred by her child, but still cares for her children.
• A man who forgives his brother of his sins.
• A friend who gives up his life so that someone else may live.

    True Love does not care if we are worthy. It cares that we exist. True Love is Godliness and it is the source of all that is good. It is the True and Perfect Religion. Anything that hinders you from being able to love is an evil.

    I do not care what you have done. I do not even need to know you. But I can show you an act of True Love by evangelizing it to you. I have given you many examples so that you may be able to distinguish it from the world's corruption. When you really know what True Love is, free from the lies of religions and societies whose god is money, power, or pride, you can become truly happy. This is because the Perfection and Purpose of Mankind is to Love. Know this: You are Loved.

With Love,

N. D. Moharo

More examples:

• The neighbor who weeps with you in time of mourning
• The friend who rejoices you won even when he lost
• The religious man who prays for those who hate him
• The man who runs into a burning building to save a child
• The stranger who performs emergency CPR
• The friend who loans without demanding interest
•  Love is “Willing the good of the other,”
• “Love is putting someone else’s needs before yours”
• Love desires what is best for someone,

The Nature of Impatience

To the impatient,

    If you are like me, being told to "be more patient" is not really helpful. In fact, it's pointless and counterproductive. Why? Because it doesn't tell you anything about how to do so. Allow me to rectify to situation and explain what I have realized to be the causes of impatience and the keys to dealing with it. As some wise man said a long time ago, "Knowledge is the key to victory."

    I did a Google and Bing search on the word "impatient," and they define it as "having or showing a tendency to be quickly irritated or provoked." I will actually disagree with this as it inaccurately covers it. After all, it can be a single occasion where you are impatient, meaning it's not necessarily a tendency. What the definition did get right is that it is provoked, and that is what we will deal with today.

    Something I figured out a while back is the level of impatience a man will have will correspond to how important he feels his time is at that moment. Hence, a man who feels like he can go faster will be upset being behind a car that is going the speed limit. The next thing I discovered is that it also arises when feeling wronged. And so the man driving the speed limit will grow impatient at the man behind him who is honking because he is going the speed limit. Therefore, I suggest the two root causes of impatience are the perception of wasted time and feeling wronged.

    I pondered whether or not wasted opportunity would be a cause, however, that could actually be either "waste of time," "feeling wronged," or both. If you missed a green traffic light, you would be upset possibly because you have to sit and wait for a few extra moments when you are in a hurry or your effort was wasted and so you feel wronged, even more so if you missed a light because you stopped at the previous one or allowed someone to cut in front of you.

    So what are the keys to dealing with this? How do you become more "patient"? In this case, the root of patience is a combination of three things: Humility, Love, and Acceptance. Is it a coincidence that a good mother has these things in abundance? The same internet searches for "Humility" return the definition of "a modest or low view of one's own importance; humbleness." I will agree with this definition as it complements the point I made earlier about impatience linked with importance. If one does not view himself as too important, then it's easier for him to be patient.

    Likewise, the true definition of love (which Google completely misses but which Disney's Frozen hits spot on) is "putting someone else's needs before yours" or as I have said before, "to will the good of another, even at your own expense." This is why the greatest act is said to be "to lay down your life for a friend." Note that this is very different than the romantic notion of love which instead seeks your own pleasure. Seriously, who thinks that they want to date solely to make someone else happy? There is far more love from the people who refuse to date out of respect for someone else (and therefore refrain from cheating or adultery). This also explains the link between love and humility as it is far harder to love someone else when you consider yourself more important. The more humble you are, the easier it is to love everyone, including the poor and your enemies.

     The last key is acceptance. Something happened, and you can't change that. The only thing you can do is try to avoid it in the future. As a society, we focus too much on what we can do that we try so hard to control everything, including our sex and genetics. The problem about this thirst for power is that it can never be satisfied. We need to learn that there are some things beyond our control, and it's better that we never try to overcome it. If you learn to grow in these three things, then your patience shall increase.

    For my last point, I will argue that there are certainly some cases where it is okay to be "impatient." If you are able to do it respectfully, it is in your control, and all other methods have failed to convey the true urgency of the situation (one that is not selfish such as preventing a murder), then you may have a right and obligation to be upset with someone. However, if it is a case of oversleeping and running late for a meeting, that is not an acceptable excuse for being rude and driving poorly.

With love,

N. D. Moharo

Virtues of a Child

Dear "Adults" or "Wanna be adults" as I should put it,    I'm writing to you to consider becoming a child. I do not mean become a kid, but a child. If it weren't for the negative phrase of "acting childish," I would think that there really is a difference between kids and children. I think the term "kid" is somehow related to the story of the goats and sheep in the Christian Bible where the goats are the inconsiderate animals. Since the child of a goat is by definition a "kid," then I think it is logical to think that the term "kid" refers to bad children of which is referred in the common phrase "I hate kids."
    Now I won't go on about why I think that was the true origins of the word, but for my purposes in this letter, I'll be using "kids" or "brats" to refer to bad children and "child" for the good. In this situation, children have virtues that should not be tossed away upon reaching adulthood. What I find sad is that the virtues are what appear to be thrown away and the vices of kids are adopted.
    What virtues am I thinking about? Consider their fascination with the world. They value the little things. The child is amazed by things we take for granted whether it be butterflies or airplanes. They are honest too, trying to describe as they see things before they are corrupted by kids to the "benefits" of lying. A child is curious and inquisitive about how the world works. Children can entertain themselves thanks to their fascination for small things and their imagination to bring things to life. They aren't greedy but appreciate the money they earn.They see chores as interesting things to do and help without being asked. They admire greatness and aspire to become good. They live in the present while hopeful of the future.
    Now brats are not fascinated by the little things. They only compare and are never satisfied as a result. They lie for their benefit to get out of trouble or to gain something. They disdain learning and rather waste their time. They require entertainment and are easily bored, becoming greedy to buy more toys. They require being forced in someway to be productive and do housework. Their heroes are those who are talented in escapes and trickery rather than rescuing and self-sacrifice. They can hold grudges and see no point in the future.
    Is there any child who is perfect? No, and to expect that would be unreasonable and unjust as the world will teach them some vice or another. However, when you consider these virtues are truly something good, then it is easy to start adopting them ourselves. I do believe there is an element of truth in that the children who see adults practicing virtue will adopt those virtues. But if we expose our children to the vices without the foundation of virtues, then we are to blame when they end up becoming "kids."

N. D. Moharo

Men are Heroes

I wrote this a few years back with the idea of submitting to This I Believe. For some reason or another, I never ended up sending it in. However, this one essay has been my core thought for a long time and is the basis for others. It is referenced in my piece on the Three Marks of Humanity. This is my analysis of what it means "To Be a Man."

The essential definition of a man is “a rational animal.” This definition applies to all of mankind; the young and the old, male and female. Yet what does it mean to “be a man?” This I Believe, that to “be a man” is to be a hero, a model for society. If we were to ask a boy what he would want to be when he grows up, he would give you anything from a career, to a superhero, to even his own father. All of these are to a boy, men. They are heroes, and through them one can see what it means to be a man.

Being a man does not lie in strength. It does not lie in intelligence. Nor does it lie in street smart. All of these things are characteristics. They are pieces of a man but do not completely define a man. The keys to becoming a man lie in virtue. Virtues are these characteristics that define a hero. They range from all over, from prudence to kindness, from courage to temperance, from love to faith. These are what make a man great. They are what make a man a hero.

The core virtues that make a man heroic are the four cardinal virtues. They are Prudence, Justice, Fortitude, and Temperance. When we look up toward our heroes, they generally display at least one of these four. A man must be Just, knowing what is right and wrong. He must be Prudent in going about action. He must persevere against the evils that threaten. And he must be in control of his passion.

Perhaps passion is the greatest evil to face. It is naturally inside us all. We use it to define ourselves. It expresses our desires, our hopes, our dreams. Yet they also express our fears, our despairs, our anger, our sadness. How can one control such passions? How does one deal with a world full of disappointments? To try so hard, but in the end fail. How does one bear these pains over and over with no comfort? What about those who try to do what is good, but are always treated with contempt? This is where the true strength of a man lies. Where there appears to be no hope, he still goes on. In these cases, it his mind and will that pushes him to hold on.

The greatest hero whom we can follow must carry all of these virtues. Many heroes do as we perceive them. While none may be perfect in any, our perception and ideals is what we need more. Even if we find that our hero is not who we thought he was, that image we had is what we needed the most.

             It does not matter what career one goes into. It does not matter how much education one receives. It does not matter how strong one is. In any path that one takes he is given a choice; to be a model or not. This choice is the first step in what it means to be a man. This is what I hold, that Men are Heroes.