Love Languages Revisited
My loved child,
I have written to you about love languages before. Taking from what I have written on the various definitions of love, perhaps we can understand the nature of love languages even better. To recap, the five love languages are Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Gift Giving, Quality Time, and Acts of Service. I gave four definitions of love but here I will describe them in terms of feeling loved. When we say we feel loved, we can mean that we feel Cared For, Liked, Admired, or Wanted. Each of the Love Languages address these accordingly
You may have noticed that there is a mismatch of numbers, but that is okay. What I have figured is that there is some overlap. Some languages will address the same feeling, and a language can address multiple feelings. However, in order to have a full “Love Tank,” you need to have all four addressed.
Perhaps the first thing we should do is establish that you have four love tanks, but one set and probably only one primary tank by which you judge if you are loved or not. I say four because it’s not the Love Languages themselves are not the tanks, but the fuel, if we are thinking like gas tanks. The tanks are the four ways we feel loved. However, due to the unique nature of humanity, the size of each tank is most likely not the same. As a result, three out of four can be filled, but the primary tank can account for over half, meaning you still won’t feel loved. On the other hand, it also means that it does not take much to fill the others, and you do that with different Love Languages.
To feel like we are cared for, the primary fuel is Acts of Service. The secondary fuel is Gift Giving. Quality Time and Physical Touch are wildcards depending on the relationship. A child playing with his mother might feel cared for, but a child playing with friends will likely not have that feeling. Gift Giving is also a wildcard, but for the reason that if the gift is something we really desire, then we feel like they care about us.
To feel like we are admired, the primary fuel is either Words of Affirmation or Gift Giving. The secondary fuel is Quality Time or Physical Touch. They are secondary because we can acknowledge that one or the other will fill the respective tank, but it most likely won’t fill much.
To feel like we are wanted, the primary fuel is either Quality Time or Physical Touch. A secondary fuel is Words of Affirmation. I make it secondary because we I consider Gift Giving a wildcard, because I can only think of it applying in romance. However, even in romance, the gift will probably fuel Admiration more, even if the reason for the gift is desire. On the other hand, depending on the gift, it can also convey being wanted.
For feeling liked, pretty much everything covers this because the word is a bit broad. Not only can it mean desired, but also admired and similar. However, since we cover the other too, here will just take the Similar aspect, saying that we feel we belong. As a result then the primary fuels are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, and whatever Love Language the recipient primarily uses.
After looking at this chart interesting things we can see after looking at the chart. First is you can understand why Hugs/Kisses and Gifts are popular since they are the easiest to do and can potentially fill every tank. Of course, in reality, some people don’t need gifts and some people don’t want to be touched. However, according to the chart, Quality Time is the best in terms of coverage and degree, though how you go about it is still important. At the same time, Words of Affirmation do a great job of making someone feel liked no matter the definition.
The second interesting thing is the effect of romance on creating wildcards. This perhaps is one of the main reasons why people desire romance so much and attribute it to love, even though friendship is arguably the best example of true love. It makes Gift Giving able to convey that you are desired. It can make us assume that we are cared for. It gives us a meaning of belonging and that someone admires us. Friendship, of course, can and does cover all four, but perhaps finding that level of friendship is too difficult for some and it doesn’t cover the sexual appetite.
I hope this helps you, my child, in understanding the complex nature of love as well as how to make others feel loved. However, you must remember that just as these languages can make a person feel loved, they can also do the opposite and cause great harm. Take care to use this knowledge to promote love and you will be on your way to becoming a saint.
N. D. Moharo